if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
