i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
