I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
