If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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