I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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