Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
