did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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