So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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