i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
