You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
