So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize