Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
