she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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