I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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