The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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