fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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