i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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