so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
