He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
