You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
