you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
