my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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