Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
