And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
