I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
