I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
