I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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