I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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