My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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