Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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