a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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