3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You were trust falling into bushes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
