how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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