Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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