As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dick very happy bro
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
