at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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