Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
