HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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