he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
