It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
only if we run a train.
done.
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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