The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
