There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize