For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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