butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
