I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So squirting runs in the family.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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