I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again