Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
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I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.