Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher