I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
