what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
