Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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