Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
