Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
