Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
