I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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