Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
