im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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