I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
