She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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