did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
