you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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