So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
