cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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